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Youths Online! Is it time to wake up?

Imagine your child wandering the streets alone at night looking for someones address they have never even layed eyes on before. Imagine your teens organizing a party in your home that you know nothing about. Imagine your son or daughter making copies of the keys to your house and distributing these to total strangers. These situations have acutally happened and none of the teens were harmed but isnt it time you take aclose look at what your youth is doing on line?

If your child has access to the internet, the above situations may not be as far-fetched as they seem to you to. The Internet provides an unprecedented number and variety of meeting places, from message boards to instant messaging to so-called social networking sites,” says Science magazine.

“Young people have quickly adjusted to life online. Indeed, in 2004 nearly 9 of every 10 people in the United States between the ages of 12 and 17 used the Internet, which is accessible in virtually every corner of the globe. Few people would deny the usefulness of the Internet. But no one should be oblivious to the dangers it poses. For instance, many youths are wandering alone in the online neighborhood, and some are creating social networks with people whom you – and even your child – would never invite into the home.”  – Science magazine.

Some naive young ones even post inappropriate personal details, thoughts, and images on the Internet. According to Professor Zheng Yan of the State University of New York, youths “often don’t realize how many people have access to that imformation, including sexual predators.”

Lets us take a closer look at what many young people are doing online. This will enable us to see potential problems, to determine just what our  children are looking for and see how we can help them satisfy their legitimate needs.

Helping Youths Meet the Challenge

The world, its lifestyles, and its fads have always undergone change. Largely because of modern technology, changes are even more pronounced today. What was in yesterday is out today, and what is popular today will be obsolete tomorrow. These rapid changes have a marcked impact on young people.

A Social Revolution

In recent years, technology has sparked a revolution that has had a profound effect on youths. For example, in many lands the cell phone and the computer have become a lifeline of the adolescent social world. Social networking sites have opened up a whole new world of possibilities. “You can be relatively friendless in real life and then suddenly have hundreds of friends online,” says a 19-year-old girl in Australia.

Few would deny that the cell phone and the Internet have numerous benefits. for many people, however, these tools seem to have become addictive. University Professor Donald Roberts notes that some students “can’t go the few minutes between their 10 o’clock and 11 o’clock classes without talking on their cell phones.” He says: “It seems to me that there’s almost a discomfort with not being stimulated – a kind of ‘I can’t stand the silence.’ ”

Some youths even admit thatthey feel hooked. “I’m totally addicted to instant messaging and my cell phone, because they’re how I keep up with my friends,” says 16 year old Stephanie. “When I get home I go online immediately and stay on…sometimes till 3 A.M..” Stephanie’s monthly phone bill is anywhere from $100 to $500. “By now,” she says, “I owe my parents more than $2,000 in excess charges. But I’m so used to having my cell with me all the time that I can’t live normally without it.”

The problems can be more than financial. While doing a study on family life, anthropologist Elinor Ochs found that when a working parent came home, the spouse and kids were often so absorbed in what they were doing that 2 out of 3 times they did not even say a greeting! They just kept on monitoring their electric gadgets. “We also saw how difficult it was for the parents to penetrate the child’s universe,” says Ochs. She adds that during the study parents were observed actually backing away, retreating from kids who were absorbed in whatever they were doing.

Online Social Networks – Harmless?

Many parents and educators are concerned about the amount of time youths spend visiting what are called online social networks. These Internet sites that allow members to create a Web page and enhance it with pictures, videos, and diaries, called blogs.

One attraction of such sites is that they enable members to keep in touch with friends. Another is that setting up a Web page allows a youth to express his identity, to “make a statement.” The appeal is understandable, for adolescence is a time of learning about oneself and revealing one’s feelings in a way that reaches and moves others.

One problem that arise, though, is that some individuals create a Web-site persona that reflecks who they want to be rather than who they are. ” There’s a kid in one of my classes who says he’s 21 and lives in Las Vegas,” states a 15-year-old boy. Both youths live about 1,600 kilometers from that U.S. city.

Such deception is quite common. “You can do anything on the Net,” confides an 18-year-old Australian girl. “You can become a whole different person because no one really knows you. You feel confident. You can make up things so that you seem to be more interesting. You can put pictures of yourself wearing things or doing things that you would never wear or do in real life. You can write things you would never say in person. You feel as if you can get away with anything because you are hidden. No one knows who you really are.”

As with any mode of communication, online social networks can have legitimate uses as well as potential abuses. As a parent, do you know what your children are doing online? Are you making sure that your children are using their time wisely? Futhermore, misuse of the Internet can expose a youth to a number of serious dangers. What are some of these?

The Darker Side of Cyberspace

The anonymity of the Internet makes it a hunting ground for child predators. Youths can unwittingly become ensnared if they give out personal information online or agree to meet a person with whom they have been corresponding. Some people argue that “children face more serious threats of violence or abuse in their own homes or on the playground,” says the book Parenting 911. “Yet there is something insidious for most parents about sexual provocateurs being able to reach into their homes through a screen and tamper with the innocence of their chidren.”

There are other ways communication technology has been exploited. Some youths have engaged in “cyberbulying” – relentless online teasing, ostracizing, harrassing, or threatening. Web sites have been set up purely to humiliate someone, while e-mail, chat rooms, and the like have become conduits for slander. The director of an online safety group believes that up to 80 percent of children between the ages of 10 and 14 have been directly or indirectly affected by cyberbullying.

Granted, bullying is not new. But now rumors, gossip, and slander can travel much farther and infinitely faster. It often gets far nastier too. In some cases, cell phones with a built-in camera have been used to take rude and potentially embarrassing photographs and videos, perhaps in a school locker room or shower. These images have then been placed on the Internet and sent to any nuber of eager recipients.

Growing Public Concern

Such matters prompted the Department of Law and Public Safety in New Jersey, U.S.A., to send a letter to parents and Gardians, urging them to “help us respond to an emerging concern regarding the inappropriate use of the Internet among children, both in and out of school.” The letter expressed particular apprehension over the posting online of personal information and photos. Sites divulging such details are often magnets for unscrupulous youths and adults. “As a parent,” the letter stated, “you need to know that you can play an important role in keeping your children safe by getting more informed and involved in your children’s use of the Internet.

Yet, some parents know suprisingly little about what their children are doing online. One mother, who closely monitors her 16-year-old daughter’s online activities, states: “Parents would be absolutely horrified and embarrassed if they knew what their children were posting and discussing.” According to an Internet safety expert, some young people are posting photos that are sexually very suggestive.

Negative Effects

Is all this alarm merely the paranoia of over concerned adults who have forgotten what it is like to be a teenager? The statistics suggest otherwise. Consider: In some areas, nearly a third of boys and girls between 15 and 17 years of age have had sexual intercourse. More than half of teens between 13 and 19 say they have had oral sex.

Has technology contributed to these sobering statistics? Undoubtedly. “Cellphones and the Internet, which offer teenagers an unparalleled level of privacy, make hooking up that much easier,” says a New York Times Magazine report. Indeed, setting up a clandestine meeting with a member of the opposite sex takes little more than a few keystrokes on the computer. In on survey, more than 4 out of 5 girls admitted that they are not as careful as they should be while online.

Some who are looking online for a date or a hookup get more than they bargained for. “We have seen an increase in sexual assaults.’ states Jennifer Welch of the Novato Police Department in California. She says that many victims first contact their future assailant online and then agree to meet in person.

Beware of the “Wisdom of the World”!

Teen advice columns in the newspapers and magazines tend to take a soft stance when it comes to young people and sex. Although they give a nod of approval to abstinence or moral purity, their main goal is to encourage “safe” sex rather than no sex. “We can’t stop them,” the reasoning seems to be, “so at least we can teach them to be responsible.”

In an article posted on one respected web site for teens, the issue of whether to have sex or not boiled down to three factors: (1) the risk of pregnancy, (2) the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease, and (3) the importance of deciding if both parties are emotionally ready for the experience. “In the end, its your decision to make,” the site says. Only a passing reference is made to discussing the matter with a parent. And there was not even a mention as to whether such sex is right or wrong.

If you are a parent, surely you want something better than the fickle and foolish “wisdom of the world” to guide your children.

How can you help them to navigate their way through adolescence and avoid the dangers discussed in this article?

The answer may not be as simple as unplugging the computer or taking away the phone for a while?  Surface solutions rarely reach the heart.

We work closely with a number of child safety organizations in Canada. We read advice from these partners on topics that are often concerning to parents such as child saftey in all our projects.

If you need more information visit, googles saftey guidelines. Who better would know about Internet saftey than the big dogs!

http://www.google.com/familysafety/

Hope this helps someone, warmest regards, Todd Herman.